so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize