I cannot find my penis.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
