Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
