bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
