do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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