Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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