i just wanna soil my oats bro
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
