oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I smell like Dick and happiness
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
