good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i need some magic done to my vagina
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize