woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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