hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
