Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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