I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
