now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I need moral support for this bender
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
