Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
