She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
