Will you blow on my dice?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
