She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
