There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
this is an emotional support booty call
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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