I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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