Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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