Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
