is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
