Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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