You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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