And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The adults are the big ones right?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
