Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
