ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
