If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
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I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
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My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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