How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I pour the whiskey from now on
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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