i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
