Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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