its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
