jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
