someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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