I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
