i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
