My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
