dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I met the friendliest cop last night
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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