Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
