3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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