I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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