If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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