FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
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Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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