Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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