The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
