come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
