I puked a lego.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
