Betty ford says i'm here all night
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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