you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
