Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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