i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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