I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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