Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
