i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
