Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
