I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
don't judge my taste in strippers
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
