i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
