Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
