Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
