genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
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