You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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