Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
