The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
