Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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