Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize
