I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
