All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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