you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
