are you still at the devil's house?
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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