she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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